I have been asked to write for a method writing class I am taking with Jack Grapes-You ought to check him out-Anyway, he says it's important to learn to write my talk as I value the truth my voice speaks. It’s about the process.
At first, I thought, “hmm, this is therapy. He is sounding just like me in the therapy room. Am I here to get my own therapy in an unconventional way?” As he continued to talk, that is to talk his truth–although all so familiar, I was mesmerized by the process unfolding in front of my eyes.
My heart started to beat as I moved up to the edge of my seat. Then it happened.
Just as I was beginning to enjoy the moment and think, “Wow this is exactly what I want to hear. This is what I want to accomplish b/c this is some.” –Afterall, he added that talent is not what he is talking about, it actually gets in the way of process. And we all know I am not one with ‘talents’ in this life, especially when it comes to writing…
sooo. Just as I was feeling like the room was spinning in the midst of my newfound “high”-I came crashing down. I remembered…I remembered that -“That’s right I have no talents AND I suck at the talk.” It all started when I was in the first grade–or maybe even younger–when my best friend Nancy and my first crush, who also happened to be her brother, Blake, teased me for saying “pasgetti” versus “spaghetti” and “psoon” versus “spoon.”
I laughed it off yet I still feel the searing pain through my heart as the venom of shame and mortification ran through my blood stream. I wanted to scream “shut up.” Well I actually did over and over in my head. Why didn’t they let an old dog lie?
I did get a reprieve with Mr. Kowamoor, my fourth grade teacher. He had us write a story for an assignment. Although I do not remember what I wrote. I do remember spending earnest time writing it and handing it over as if it was a treasure box full of jewels.
Anyway, I did get an “A” for a job well done. But the real prize was when he told me I was a good story writer. You know what? I had forgotten that part of my story. There is a truth. That is, maybe I do have a talent after all…or rather a gift.
Now there is much more to the story of my poor pronunciation, limited vocabulary, fast talking and slurring of words, slaughtering of foreign languages and the list goes on. Yet it doesn’t really matter does it? Afterall, Mr Kowamoor caught a glimpse of a brilliance of the light within me and saw the truth.
By catching me in my process, he saw beyond the way words flow from me as he held a mirror in front of me so I, too, could catch the glimmer of the light he was celebrating. Thank you Mr. Kowamoor for taking that moment to embrace me and teach me I have a story to share and that I can do it well.
I now know will again– as I stay “in the moment” and be “in the process. You know, you are right, I am a good writer…one day at a time– growing, learning and discovering moment by moment and that’s ok. And that’s my truth!!